29-year-old adoptee receives contact from bio family, faces pushback when he doesn't want to meet them: 'For me there's nothing missing'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Sep 24, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

Adoption can be a controversial topic, but there is no denying that there are many cases in which it seems to be the best option for the children involved. Many kids have great lives with their adoptive families, but this doesn't necessarily mean that they don't want to meet the parents they originally came from, and all of their relatives.

Feelings about their birth family can vary a lot between different adoptees, whether or not they choose to come into contact with them at any point. While it is often expected that they will take an interest in this topic, there are plenty of people who were adopted and feel like they are complete with the family that adopted them. Ultimately, it is their choice to make whether they want these relatives to be a part of their lives, even if said relatives choose to reach out to them for contact.

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  • a man stands by a window and looks at his phone
    via Thom Holmes

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • One man felt like his life was already complete when his birth parents and their other children began to contact him, asking to meet up and get to know him. He told them that he didn't want that to happen, as he didn't think that being in contact with them would be a necessary addition to his life.

    In response, the family continued to contact him. They even claimed that they had medical information to share, as well as accusing him of taking sides with an adoptive family who ‘bought’ him. He wanted to know if he had done something wrong.

  • Am I wrong for not wanting to meet or get to know my birth family after they tracked me down and reached out?

    I (29M) was adopted as an infant by my parents. They already had my older brother who was 3 at the time. They adopted my sister 3 years after they adopted me. I was raised in a loving, happy home. We were all treated the same and my brother (their bio son) was not favored or treated any different for being blod. None of us were lied to about the circumstances of our family. My parents were
    via Lachleeyonno
  • open about adopting my sister and me. They never tried to demonize our birth families either. They knew practically nothing about our birth families but they still spoke of them kindly and compassionately.
    via Lachleeyonno
  • Maybe it's just in my nature or maybe it's because I had such a good life but I never wondered about my birth family. No part of me ever considered trying to find them or have a relationship. I was just happy as I was/am. My life is good. I have a wonderful wife, two great kids, amazing parents and siblings and siblings in-law and grandparents. For me there's nothing missing.
    via Lachleeyonno
  • That's why it took me a while to respond 6 months ago when I was contacted by people saying they were my birth parents (and it was confirmed true) telling me their story and wanting to connect with me. They broke up for 5 years after I was born and then they got back together and had more kids and only had an interest in me for the last two. Before that they never thought about me. Their kids wanted to know me. Their kids reaaaaally wanted to know me. I have received more than two dozen messages
    via Lachleeyonno
  • It took a while (11 weeks or so) for me to reply and state I had a great life but did not wish to connect with them so please leave me be. Then I blocked the accounts and made my socials private. About three weeks later I received an email telling me they did not think it was fair and that I should at least meet the kids. I didn't respond and two months after the first email | got another one stating they had family
    via Lachleyonno
  • two boys and a girl wearing white sit in grass while smiling
    via Micah Tindell

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • medical history they would share with me only if I agreed to meet them and let them spend some time getting to know me. This was followed up by an email from their children saying I should really consider why I don't want to meet my real family and why I'm so loyal to parents who bought me.
    via Lachleeyonno
  • Some info given to me by my birth family around my adoption for those who might need any extra info. My birth parents were 16 when I was born. They put me up for adoption via an agency but did not meet or choose my parents. The choice was given to the woman at the agency who set it all up for them. They didn't leave any letter or family medical history to be passed onto me and never collected a letter my parents wrote to them when they
    via Lachleyonno
  • adopted me. They have zero interest in ever reading that letter. Their kids are all mostly adults and found out about me through other birth family members and not my birth parents. Their kids wanted to meet me as soon as they found out about me.
    via Lachleeyonno
  • They found me through some PI online and I don't know how much contact info they have on me. They never mentioned his name but I wish he had reached out to me first so I could've said no because now I have no idea what ways they could realistically reach me on. They don't know I'm married or have children it seems. So that's a positive.
    via Lachleeyonno
  • My family supports my decision regardless of which way I decide but I have had some backlash from some fellow adoptees I know who say they would love what's being offered to me and they think it's selfish for me to deny them the chance to get to know me and to deny my kids blod relatives. So this has made me ask if I'm wrong. I don't feel like I am when I ask myself the question but I don't know I can accept I never gave these people a chance and it's because I don't feel I should have to.
    via Lachleeyonno
  • a close up of a woman embracing her pregnant stomach
    via Cassidy Rowell

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • People agreed with his point of view.

    Unlikely Offer_5461 NTA, you don't owe them anything. If you don't wish to have a relationship with the bio parents or siblings, it's OKAY. They had a choice and now you do. It is fair. Good to hear you were brought up in a loving home, they have raised you to be a secure adult. Good luck!
    via Unlikely_Offer_5461
  • Timely_Proposal_1821 So, they don't take no for an answer, they try to guilt trip you saying it's unfair, they want to cast shade on your parents (saying they bought you) and then they imply there may be a medical issue that they will only disclose to you if you do what they want... Wow, who wouldn't want to get to know them? NTA - I'd never read or respond to any of them again.
    via Timely_Proposal_1821
  • SuspiciousDark2197 This is a hard situation to deal with but you're NTA My wife is adopted and we've had this talk several times and she has no interest in previous family appearing To her the mom and dad who brought her into their life are her mom and dad and that's her life and that's how she wants it and I support that
    via SuspiciousDark2197
  • Cheesychocolate6866 NTA. It sounds like they are a manipulative bunch. I mean, they basically try to "blackmail" you by insinuating there's medical info you need to know but will only tell you if you meet with them. They're showing you who they are without you ever meeting them. This is not a family I would want to know.
    via Cheesychocolate6866
  • SpandexSuspenders I'm wondering if the medical thing they want to talk about is the reason they are contacting you/bothered to pay a Pl after 29 years. I'm guessing someone needs a body part or money. You are NTA in the slightest. It's so unfair to expect anything from you. They can't just come in and blow up your life and home.
    via SpandexSuspenders
  • SteampunkHarley ΝΤΑ The birth parents didn't even want to bother with you. They're only doing this to placate the children they do care about. That's not a good start to anything
    via SteampunkHarley
  • Obrina98 "Why are you so loyal to parents who bought you?" Sh ot back, "Why are you so loyal to the parents who threw me away?" “The parents didn't do the work of raising me. The parents who only reached out for your sake, not mine."
    via Obrina98
  • Laughing_Dragon_77 NTA. They didn't want you for 27 years and you don't want them now. I don't see why their feelings should be more valid than yours.
    via Laughing_Dragon_77
  • RuinBeginning776 I would write a long message to the kids about your real family and why you do not need contact and let that be the end of it.
    via RuinBeginning776
  • paulglosuk NTA. I'm glad you had a happy childhood and that you appreciate that. To you, your family is the one you grew up with and that is where your love and your loyalty lies. If you wanted to meet your birth "family" nobody is going to criticize you and that should be the same if you don't. Other adoptees may feel different but that's their choice. You are content and that's what matters.
    via paulglosuk

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